How I Became a Photographer

Growing up, I never really knew where I fit in or who I wanted to be. In my twenties, I spent a lot of time letting the external voices of some I held in high regards carry more weight than my own and not giving enough weight to the people who truly supported me. I didn’t think I was good enough to be a photographer, or an artist of any kind, for that matter. My opinion was never the “right one” or “could always be improved” or so I led myself to believe. Instead I focused on climbing the IT career ladder, logically assuming that financial stability made for the best career. I had thought to myself, after growing up with immigrant parents and seeing how much they fought to carve out a living here in America, that gaining my own financial stability was crucial. But, even though I liked the people I worked with, I didn’t feel fulfilled. I struggled to find my purpose within those, oftentimes windowless, office walls.

Near the end of my IT career (yes spoiler alert, I left my IT job when my son was born), I was burnt out and weighed down by anxiety, personally frustrated and struggling with our fertility journey. I felt lost, and honestly, I wasn’t really being true to myself, to what I wanted.

It took me a long time (felt like that awkward teenager not knowing myself but in my late twenties) to realize how much I was letting myself down by not being *my own biggest cheerleader* and allowing uncertainty and fears rule my mind. And letting others opinion carry more weight than mine? Phew, it was a lot of burden…living a life like that. It took a lot of heart-to-hearts with my husband, and a lot of looking inward at my life, what I wanted out of it. I started to let go of my fertility anxieties, stopped living in the “what ifs” of tomorrow, and finally, finally, start tuning into my own intuition.

In 2017, the year I turned 30, I took the leap of ultimate faith in myself—I said “eff it” and applied for an LLC for Denise Van Photography. I strapped that worrisome voice about not being good enough into the backseat of my mind and said “you better hang on tight”. I also randomly picked up a paintbrush along the way that summer, where I discovered a new love for watercolors. Fast forward to spring of 2018, I stumbled upon alcohol inks. The holy trifecta? Maybe. But mostly I call it my tipping point, the beginning of…everything.

I started saying YES to what made me happy, to my creativity, and to giving my dreams a real shot. The more I embraced my love for photography, the more I realized how much I truly lived and breathed it—and how good I am at it. Oh sure, I knew I had a knack for photography even back in college but never did I own it, like truly claimed my place. “I’m a photographer and I’m good at it”. Until 2017. Ever since then, it’s been a wild 8 years of cultivating and growing this beautiful business with a limitless imagination and creativity in mind. Looking back now, it all feels like it was meant to be. Every experience, every heartache, every step, led me right here.